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I stuck a piece of metal in my baby son’s butt…tonight was interesting

July 18, 2011

Some people can put the back of their hand on a forehead and know right away if someone feels hot. I am not one of these capable people. The average body temperature is 98.7 degrees Fahrenheit which to me seems pretty hot. Tonight our baby’s forehead felt hot and he was a little sweaty so we decided to take his temperature the recommended way, rectally. Here is how it went down:

Scene: Baby lying naked on his back on the changing table with my wife and I standing over him.

Me: Do you know how to work that thing?

Wifey: Not really, maybe I just hit this button.

Me: Should we turn him over?

Wifey: I think if you just hold his legs up I can get in there.

Me: (I hold our baby’s legs up exposing his butt).

Wifey: Where do I stick this thing?

Me: I don’t know, I assume in the hole.

Wifey: This is confusing. (she goes to stick the thermometer in the butt and our baby loses it).

Me: Maybe we should turn him over (I turn him over on his stomach).

Wifey: Should I just stick it in? (she jabs the thermometer in the crevice). How long should I leave it there? (thermometer beeps and my wife reads it). This can’t be right, it says 36.8…that is too low.

Me and wifey: wait Celsius, why would they put it in Celsius.

Me: Hold him (I run to our Ipad and learn that 36.8 Celsius equals 98.24 degrees Fahrenheit). I guess he wasn’t hot.

Wifey: That was interesting.

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