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My wife and I have become full-fledged zombies but instead of eating brains we take care of a newborn

July 21, 2011

Dear Zachary,

You are a wonderful son. We can’t believe you are already 3 weeks old. You do not know us that well yet but we are your parents. We love you dearly and will be a big part of your life going forward (you will be happy about this until your a teenager and then you will wish we did not exist). There is something you should know about us. We NEED SLEEP. We don’t just want sleep or consider it a fun activity, we need it maybe more than we need oxygen. We have become non-functional zombies whose only accomplishment is keeping you alive. Could you help us out a little? A couple of longer naps on your part would be really helpful. Maybe when we feed you in the middle of the night you could go right back to sleep instead of staying up for an hour and a half crying. And, maybe you could not consider 4AM to be the start of the day and refuse to go back to sleep at that point. Maybe during the day you could separate your feedings out a little more and not make them each an hour apart. You don’t know how much we need sleep. We can barely remember basic facts anymore. I can no longer remember things that happened yesterday. Your mom asked me a question the other day and not only could I not remember the answer, I forgot that she asked the question. Figuring out the day of the week has become like a game show. I have twice forgotten about food in the toaster and almost started fires. I think our brains are melting.  Other parents say we will soon get used to the lack of sleep. I think these parents are lying. Please have mercy on us.

Love,

Mom & Dad

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