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What if my 10 week old already spoke English…

September 9, 2011

Parents are obsessed with trying to understand their baby. It would make things so much easier if we could understand exactly what our babies are saying so we could meet their needs right away and well…shut the crying up. There is even baby sign language to help your baby talk before they can talk. But, maybe understanding what your baby is saying would not be as great as everyone thinks.

GENIE: You have rubbed my lamp and I must grant you three wishes.

ME: My first wish is that you give my 10 week old baby the ability to speak English.

LATER THAT DAY

ME: Please stop crying

BABY: I AM SO TIRED!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!! I AM LOSING IT!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME: Please just go to sleep.

BABY: I AM SO TIRED!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!! I AM LOSING IT!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME: Feel free to go to sleep. You don’t have to be awake for anything except eating in a few hours.

BABY: I AM SO TIRED!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!! I AM LOSING IT!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME: Just go to sleep. You have no job. You have no responsibilities. You have nothing to do all day. Nothing to be awake for.

BABY: I AM SO TIRED!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!! I AM LOSING IT!!!

ME: I don’t think you get it. We do not care if you sleep all day. Feel free. No one would mind or call you lazy.

BABY: I AM SO TIRED!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!! I AM LOSING IT!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LATER THAT DAY

ME: For my second wish, I would like to undo my first wish.

GENIE: And for your third wish?

ME: Diapers that don’t leak poop.

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