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Why should you have a baby?

December 5, 2011

Why should you have a baby?

  1. There are only 7 billion people left on Earth.
  2. You live on Elm Street and are scared that Freddy Krueger will kill you in your dreams so you need someone who will prevent your from sleeping.
  3. You need a less weird reason for constantly buying baby wipes.
  4. You want a reason to fight with your spouse at 4AM.
  5. You like pretending to be a giant.
  6. You want to finally have something to talk about with people besides work.
  7. You need a reason to get your parents off your back.
  8. Well I can’t really tell you why you should have just one but if you have fifteen you will get your own show on TLC.
  9. You are so old that you are  scarring all the young people at the bars.
  10. Because if you take care of someone in diapers now there is a good chance he will take care of you later in life when you are in diapers.

Why should you NOT have a baby?

  1. Because having a baby is the gateway to paying child support.
  2. Because you find raising a house plant to be stressful.
  3. Because there is a chance the baby will be a lot like you.
  4. Because even the pregnant teens on MTV are more responsible than you.
  5. Because your name rhymes with Serry Jandusky.
  6. Because you cannot deal with others being more successful than you especially your offspring.
  7. Because that woman you married is your sister and having a baby with her would just be plain wrong.
  8. Because you have watched the Republican debates and realize one of these buffoons will actually be President.
  9. Because you can’t just rent the baby, you have to keep him.
  10. Because you want to keep your sanity.
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