Exclusive Interview with The Stupendous Six Month Old Wonder
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: At 25.3 inches and tipping the scales at 15 Ibs 6.8 0z we have the one, the only Baby Zachary. I would like to start this interview off by wishing you a Happy Six Month Birthday.
BABY ZACHARY: I appreciate the birthday wish but I am not sure why you had to tell everyone my weight.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: I apologize. I see for the interview you have chosen to wear some type of pink pajama suit.
BABY ZACHARY: It is my Elmo PJs, it is from my Aunty and it is awesome so back off.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: Woah, I am sorry again. You seem a little cranky today.
BABY ZACHARY: Well, my parents told me I was getting birthday shots today which I assumed would be shots of spiked milk. Turns out we went to the doctor this morning and they meant a different kind of shot. That was not a fun way to start my six month birthday.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: Not fun. So I have heard you have developed a load of new skills recently. Is it true that you are now sitting up on your own???
BABY ZACHARY: Yes, it is true but that is old news as I have been doing it for days now.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: What is transferring?
BABY ZACHARY: Oh, that is another one of my new skills. I can pick up an object and transfer it to the other hand. Pretty freaking amazing huh?
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: Yes, indeed. What else are you doing these days?
BABY ZACHARY: I can vocalize which is not quite talking but definitely driving my parents crazy at times when I squeak loud. I can eat solids as long as they are mashed up. I am reaching for things like my Grandpa’s glasses and Mommy’s hair. I am interacting more, well mostly because I now find other people interesting. I am even sleeping better but that is because I have had some very busy days lately playing with all my new Hanukkah toys.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: Just incredible. And, have you figured out who your Mommy and Daddy are?
BABY ZACHARY: Heck yes, I am always excited to see them because they are my slaves who I force to feed me and clean my tush of poop.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: I heard that today at the doctor’s office you aced all of their “is he doing this yet?” questions except for one. Is this true?
BABY ZACHARY: Yeah I rocked the developmental questions except they asked if I could hold my own bottle and feed myself. Are they kidding? Do they think I am baby Hercules?
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: Finally, not to bring up a rather sad issue, but what is your reaction to learning that you are doomed to root for the Mets, Jets and Knicks and to never experience the joy of rooting for a good team?
BABY ZACHARY: I guess I have just been born this way and there is nothing I can do. Team fanhood is just something you cannot choose like say your religion. I am just stuck with some pathetic teams…thanks Dad for for letting me down on that front.
REPORTER FROM NY TIMES: Well it has been a great interview. Thanks for taking your time to meet with me.
BABY ZACHARY: You should be thanking me as it is a pretty big honor to get to hang with me. I would like to end this interview by giving a big shout out to Mommy, Daddy and to all my relatives (some of whom I actually recognize) especially my cousins Lenny (who I look up to), Maddy (who I hear is the perfect child) and Big Willie (who is almost five weeks old which means he is probably doing a good job of torturing his parents these days).