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I am 9 months old today and, hey ladies, I am single

March 28, 2012

Today, I turned 9 months old and I thought, hey, a young bachelor like myself should be having lots of dates so I signed up online for http://www.JDatePlayDate.com (I am trying to make Mommy happy by finding a nice, Jewish play date). So, below is my online profile. Let me know what you think and, if you know any single babies looking for a play date, hook me up.

(all questions come from real dating sites)

NAME

Zachary Kaplan a.k.a. Baby Z

AGE

9 months

HEIGHT

26.7 inches (Jewish babies are not so tall)

BODY TYPE

Athletic with baby fat

LANGUAGES

None yet unless you count “Beginning Babble”.

EYE COLOR

Everyone says they are really blue and pretty.

HAIR COLOR

Me got funky hairdo with half old hair that dark brown and half new hair that is either blonde or light brown.

I SMILE WHEN…

When I finally get teeth.

WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

short-term play date

SMOKING HABITS

What is smoking?

DRINKING HABITS

I hit the bottle usually four times a day.

DO YOU KEEP KOSHER?

Is baby mush Kosher?

EDUCATION LEVEL

2 weeks away from completing advanced music class

WHAT DO YOU DO?

spend much of my day pulling myself up on stuff, crawling and pooping.

INCOME LEVEL

I will tell you later…as soon as someone explains to me what income means.

RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND

Mommy says we are high holiday Jews and Daddy says we are Bar Mitzvah Jews.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU GO TO SYNAGOGUE?

Have not been since mean woman cut my wee-wee. Me not going back.

DESCRIBE YOURSELF AND PERSONALITY

Me happy baby if me get my sleep and me so cranky if me don’t sleep. Me not a good napper. Me friendly, like to crawl and explore  and, of course, me like to grab and pull hair (especially Mommy’s).

HAVE KIDS

Pretty sure that is not possible.

WANT KIDS

For what?

MY LIFE AMBITIONS

Get big as Daddy

A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY LIFE:

Read the Newdaddyhood blog. And yep, my life has been brief.

ON OUR FIRST DATE, REMIND ME TO TELL YOU THE STORY ABOUT…

The time I shot rocket poop all over the room. Not a fun time for Mommy and Daddy.

THE THINGS I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT

Soothie, activity table, ninja toy, flippin’ zebra, toy train.

FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, TV SHOWS, MUSIC AND FOOD

Favorite book is “Goodnight New York City

Favorite movie – never seen a movie

Favorite TV show – anything involving the Mets, Jets or Knicks

Favorite food – pears and sweet potatoes, both baby mush style.

Favorite music – “Wheels on the Bus”, “ABC Song”, “You are My Sunshine”, and anything on Toddler Pandora

THE COOLEST PLACES I HAVE VISITED

Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom,  it is so cool in there. Oh, and the park where the swings are is pretty sweet.

FOR FUN, I LIKE TO…

Bounce up and down

ON FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHTS I TYPICALLY…

Sleep if Mommy and Daddy are lucky

I AM LOOKING FOR…

A baby who has cool toys I can play with and who does not mind having his/her hair pulled or face grabbed.

YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY MESSAGE ME IF YOU…

Can figure out how to use a computer.

INTERESTS YOU WOULD ENJOY SHARING WITH YOUR DATES

Me like to stand. Would it be cool if me used you to lift myself up?

WHAT IS LAST THING YOU READ

If me had answer to that parents would stop buying their kids Baby Einstein toys and start buying them Baby Zachary toys.

IF I HAD 2 WEEKS OFF AND COULD TAKE ANY VACATION I DESIRED, I’D:

Me definitely need time off from my tough schedule. Me would go to Sesame Place because that place supposed to be awesome.

IDEAL MATCH

Mommy.

WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

Peak-a-boo, Daddy bouncing me on his knee, Daddy letting me sit on his shoulder, when Daddy makes silly noises and seeing Mommy.

WHAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF?

The size of my poop from the other day.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT?

Standing.

MOST ADVENTUROUS THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE

The other day, me crawled all the way from the living room to the kitchen.

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT PLAY DATE

Me play with your cool toys and me completely ignore you.

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